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So here we are at the beginning of 2009. Six days in, each of which has been unsurprisingly similar to the last six days of 2008. As the calendar pages flip and freshen, we are afforded the opportunity to look at our state of the union, evaluate what’s been working or not, make changes, vow to avoid future bad habits, and lose some luggage that’s weighing us down.

I don’t believe in New Years’ resolutions, for the simple reason that they don’t work for me. I don’t believe anyone needs to pursue any path that automatically sets themselves up for failure, guilt and disappointment. But I do believe in a regular hard gaze into the mirror of efficacy and a regular tossing of luggage that’s not carrying its weight.

This isn’t about airline travel - I felt the sympathetic winces start. I didn’t lose any Samsonite over the holiday season. Instead, I am losing the baggage of habitually unproductive activities.

I drink coffee… perhaps far too much of it. The chance that it keeps me awake at night doesn’t motivate me to cut back - I prefer to write when it’s dark out. Less glare hits my computer screen; less highway noise infiltrates from the north; the phone is far less likely to ring and derail a fragile train of thought. So the coffee stays, with the pot placed further away.

I love making new designs for my Cafepress stores and can spend hours at a time doing nothing but. I am also a complete moron when it comes to getting the word out about my Cafepress stores, doing what SEO is possible, developing a solid marketing strategy. It’s not something I enjoy, and I have been trying to do something productive with those three stores for several years. Since I am paying about $60 per store per year for the privilege of utter confusion and frustration, and sales have NEVER covered even the subscription costs, it’s time to get realistic. So one or more of them must depart, bur I can’t decide which.

Which one should be kept? Help me decide, please!
Celtic Elegance
Dragon Hoards
Nature To Go

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I thoroughly enjoy writing in my blogs, both business and personal - and here’s a big tip of the hat to the Twitter follower who unfollowed because I “blog too much.” I spend far less time writing than I should, and far more time discovering the Wonders of WordPress 2.7, trying new plugins, tweaking themes, goofing around with CSS, going for just that right look.  So the blogging stays (with some pay-attention discipline added).

Traffic exchange (TEs) surfing is a huge time trap. The logic behind most of these is beyond flawed. View pages, click to the next in 10-15 seconds, get credits to show your own pages to people who click away in 10-15 seconds. Some TEs have a semblance of social networking through teams to join, groups to join, blogs to write on. Unfortunately, this participation comes with its own poison bait, as many teams insist that their members keep a certain pace on the gerbil wheel to gain as many credits as possible for their team ranking. If you fall off the wheel or your feet get tired, you may get booted…Oh Noes!! I have millions of credits I can spend on banners that nobody will see. Guilty as charged.  So the TEs must go, kicking and screaming, as the gerbil wheel spins on and on and on and….

Email is a given. I need it for business, for social networking, to keep up  with my merchants, to keep current with anecdotes and family news from my mom. This week has been light, thus more conducive to evaluation. Two or three hours of email program rules writing tightened up the spam and junk, reducing noise and unsolicited promotions by 3/4, and removing all pharmaceutical wonders automatically. So the email stays, with monthly filtration checks.

Click-this-ad-to-get-paid: Ok, I admit it. I got caught in this trap, even though it only takes a few minutes a day (or so I told myself). Those minutes are earning me a whopping TWO CENTS per ad viewed. This means I brought in an additional $6.80 for 2008, and should see the real money by 2011 when I finally reach the minimum payout. So the paid click thing goes, and I regain 10 minutes per day.

I’m a Twitterholic. I have met some of the most fantastic people on Twitter, and intend to meet even more! But looking at the past few months, I need to get real about just how much noise I make versus listening I do. So Twitter stays but gets put on a strict diet - more listening, less tweeting. (psst. follow me. I’m @perfectlyshaped at Twitter!)

Well, I feel better already, and not a single New Years’ resolution placed at risk! Are you losing any baggage for the New Year?

T’is the season to be panicked. Stressed out. Pressured. Guilt-ridden and filled with anxiety. Even depressed. You may avoid friends and relatives, worry that you are spending too much or too little on gifts, fret that you are not meeting every single expectation of the holiday season. Is there enough drape to that garland? Are there too many lights on that reindeer atop the garage?? Did I remember to put an absorbent pad under the tree stand??? I’m scheduled to go to How Many Parties????

Shhhh. Be calm. Take a moment and stop.

For some people, good moods are not automatic. In fact, for some they’re a lot of work. Don’t let the fact that you find yourself slipping away from a good mood throw you for a loop. Accept the fact that you’re stressed, primed for panic, and try a few of these tricks to realign your outlook.

Hum
Yep. Hum softly to yourself. Pick a good tune from your past and hum it aloud, so your ears can enjoy it too. Give it a few minutes to take effect; repeat as necessary to derail the stressed-out feelings.

Sing.
Like humming, only your mind has to work to remember the words. Even if you pick a song you know by heart, there’s a part of your brain that has to process what it thinks you want your voice to do.

Cave.
(but not without a timer) Get totally serious about this frantic condition, buckle down and throw yourself a Pity Party. Spend 15-20 minutes on light stress conditions; go all out with an hour-long festival for the really aggravating panic attacks. Quite effective when performed with a small group; egg each other on toward the light at the end of the frantic tunnel.

Forgive.
Forgive each and every one of your ancestors for setting you up with these traditions of gifting and gathering, cooking and entertaining, shopping and stressing. Reminisce on the good old days when there was only one store within a day’s buggy ride, and most gifts were handmade anyway. Then forgive yourself for being human and finding all this stuff a bit daunting and off-putting.

Do Less.
Just remember to smile (to yourself, if need be) as you shake your head apologetically at the invitation to that fifteenth Yuletide gathering. You can’t be in two places at once, and being in a calm quiet spot all by yourself without tons of merriment bouncing off your head does count as a place.

Expect Less
Dial down the anticipation level from ten gifts to two, from five holiday bashes to two quiet gatherings, from 30 batches of home-made fruitcake to a deftly served platter of bakery-made delights. Step past the unreasonable expectations - buying cookies instead of making them does not mean you love your kids less.

Help Someone Else
When your attention is turned toward the needs of someone else, and your energy is being poured into helping them, your mood may swing upward.

Whatever your method, please have a happy, peaceful, light-hearted, light-spirited holiday.

Today became a true day of rest for both the blog and me. After going through the first 80 emails of the day, handling the two that actually needed personal attention, checking the traffic reports for the night before, and making sure all’s right with the sites’ world, I shut down email, closed almost all browser windows (except for Twitter), grabbed two books I’d been promising myself I’d read, brewed up a pot of my newest coffee acquisition (a lush smooth Colombian bean that makes my kitchen smile when ground), and kicked back for a day of reading and relaxation. Aside from watching Twitter out of the corner of my eye and responding to a few folks’ tweets, the day has been surprisingly computer-free.

Erik is spending the holiday with his folks up north, so we did the Christmas gift bit early. He’s thoroughly enjoying the LED lamp that swings from his desk to recliner with ease - definitely the right choice! And I’ve spent my day with my new coffee, a handful of new flavors from my igourmet gift basket, and a cat who’s been very happy not to have to distract me from computing every time she wants her ears scratched.

If I don’t see you before you get drowned in holiday schedules and celebrations, Happy Holidays to each and all.

So what are you doing for the holidays?

Friday’s Child is loving and giving.

Today’s Friday’s Child nod goes out to Jenn Fowler, the dynamo at the heart of Frugal Upstate. Spend awhile with her Frugal Upstate blog posts and watching her Twitter stream as @JennFowler (or go back and read her updates) and you’ll get a sense of her kind and caring nature,  as she brings support and gentle guidance to those of us pursuing a frugal lifestyle.  She packs her blog with tips and recipes, gathers frugal tips from her followers (including me), and encourages each reader to select what works for their individual situation. She’s also one of Walmart’s original Eleven Moms and is included in Alltop’s Top Frugality News section!

In Her Own Words

I’m New York mama Jenn Fowler. Since 2006, I’ve been writing about simple ways to save money doing simple things you’ve never even considered. One hint: it’s not all about clipping coupons and buying on sale!

My motto is use what you’ve got, get creative and save. I started by stretching what I had for longer, reusing stuff and making do without all the little needless extras. Along the way, I figured out that frugality is fun—like the way you feel when you find a designer dress at a yard sale for $5.

Frugality isn’t scary, it’s a gradual process that I’m still learning myself. I try different frugal skills, some of which stick, and some that don’t. I have fabulous successes and ridiculous failures. I possess no special skills except tenacity and the belief that I can figure it out. And my favorite part is sharing and learning from my readers.

My kids inspired me to take up the frugal cause. I was a career Army officer working with guns and tanks, about a world away from my blissfully domestic life today. After the birth of my first child, I decided to stay home full time. A typical New Yorker, I wanted it all: a good life, happy kiddos and a fat wallet on one less paycheck. I was determined to prove to the world that we don’t need more money to keep up our quality of life.

I’m also a suburban subversive, plotting to reinvent the way we stay-at-home-moms think about keeping up with the Joneses. Here’s an example: last year I instituted a $10 gift limit at my daughter’s birthday party. No one complained, and gift limits started popping up on Christmas parties and friends’ invites. Quietly, we frugalites will take over the world!

Recommended Reading:
100 Things About Me Meme
and
Holiday Recipes! Frugal Holiday Series

I’ve got a friend, Liz, who is the nicest, sweetest, calmest person on the planet. If they ever decide to give a Nobel Prize for Calm, she’ll qualify hands down. In a niceness contest between her and an angel, she’d send the angel home in defeat, wings tucked between its legs. Kind, supportive, even-tempered, patience of a saint. Normally.

So needless to say I was a bit taken aback to hear from her in a total state of panic. Her son is getting married! SOON! She hasn’t even BEGUN to plan! She Can’t Find a Thing to Wear!!  She’s COMPLETELY FRABJAGLIPATED!!! 

Calm down, dear Liz. I’ve got just the thing to cure those pre-ceremony jitters. I passed her a virtual brown paper bag to breathe into, then explained the options I’ve got on hand, including a selection of dresses that will work for her long after the post-Christmas ceremony is over and the rice has been swept up.

A few pertinent specs:  

Liz is a 14 or 16 in many shop size charts, and her height of 5′7″ gives her a few minor challenges, like finding long plus-size attire that graces the ankle as designed instead of hitting her midcalf.

Liz has an hourglass body type, so she can wear durn near anything - I’m so jealous. She’s an Autumn color season, and even as her hair is taking on that lovely silver glow, her natural warm brown color just looks lightly frosted. Add dark brown-hazel eyes to that picture.

The wedding colors are silver and burgundy, so a good color for her will be in the wine, reds, maroon and burgundy family. We’ve highlighted accessory suggestions of Blue Tux Lilly dyeable 2.5″ heels, Casa Blanca CZ necklace and earrings from The Wedding Lass, and a Daiquiri silver Swarovski crystal encrusted clutch evening bag from Bag Biddy.

So, here you go, Liz, and thanks for your permission to share your Showcase. Here it is for the rest of the world as well.

Desiree Gown in Black with Diagonal Sparkles Slither ~ AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY in sizes XS (14/16), S (18/20), M (22/24) $280.00 Model: Charlotte, 5'10", PLP size XS (14/16) Our Desiree Gown is a sleek and sexy basic that be more or less sexy by adjusting the depth of the drape. You'll love how it accentuates th... [Read more]   Drape Lapel Jacket in Fuschia Plumes Silk Velvet Burnout ~ AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY in Sizes XS (14/16), 1X (30/32) $450.00 Model: Charlotte, 510, PLP size XS (14/16) This curvy plumes motif echoes perfectly the curvy lines of the Drape Lapel Jacket; they are made for each other, and they are made for entrance-makin... [Read more]   Juliet Dress in Abstract with Diamante Mesh ~ AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY in size XXS (12/14) $260.00 Model: Gayla, 58, PLP size XXS/XS (12/14 on top/14/16 below) This exquisite Juiet Dress is the last of its kind! The gorgeous fabric from which we made them was a very limited edition and now i... [Read more]   Style #5012 $208.00 Polly ChiffonAll Sales final. No exchanges or refunds on Mothers dresses. Please allow 3-12 weeks for delivery. [Read more]   Style #5015 $195.00 Polly ChiffonAll Sales final. No exchanges or refunds on Mothers dresses. Please allow 3-12 weeks for delivery. [Read more]   Style #5019 $243.00 Polly ChiffonAll Sales final. No exchanges or refunds on Mothers dresses. Please allow 3-12 weeks for delivery. [Read more]   Style #5017 $223.00 Polly ChiffonAll Sales final. No exchanges or refunds on Mothers dresses. Please allow 3-12 weeks for delivery. [Read more]   Style #566028 $242.00 Pleated bodice of Aurora taffeta with a slim Lace trumpet skirt and Bolero Jacket.Please allow 2 to 12 weeks for delivery. Need the dress sooner? Please call our toll free number 1-866-757-2743 to ... [Read more]   Style #4008 $198.00 Poly Chiffon, Hankerchief hemline.All Sales final. No exchanges or refunds on Mothers dresses. Please allow 3-12 weeks for delivery. [Read more]   Style #A7641P $353.00 Also available in regular sizes as style number A7641 [Read more]   Style #6014 $213.00 Please note that the beading on color rendered styles may appear inaccurate. To view the bead pattern for this style, please visit an authorized Jordan retailer. [Read more]   Style #A7643P $398.00 Also available in regular sizes as style number A7643 [Read more]   Anthony David Evening Bag with Swarovski Crystal AD058 Classica II Silver $399.99 This Anthony David evening bag has a solid metal frame that is fully covered with Swarovski crystals. Each crystal is hand set by a skilled artisan; making each design truly a work of art. [Read more]   Daiquiri Silver Evening Bag $425.00 Swarovski Online SALE! See sale price on site. Shoulder-held evening pouch in metallic-silver calfskin with a motif evoking the facets of Swarovski cut crystal. Rhodium-plated, clear crystal chain.... [Read more]   Anthony David Evening Bag with Swarovski Crystal AD005 Geneva Silver $239.99 This Anthony David evening bag has a solid metal frame that is fully covered with Swarovski crystals. Carry this bag as a clutch handbag or wear it as a shoulder bag with the detachable shoulder ch... [Read more]   Casablanca Cubic Zirconia Earrings $95.00 When a simple stud isn't quite enough, this dangle style earring gives you drama and sparkle for your special occasion. The pair is made of top quality cubic zirconia in a gorgeous diamond quality ... [Read more]   Casablanca Cubic Zirconia Necklace $106.00 Modern and understated, this three-stone pendant naturally complements most necklines and visually elongates your neck. Set on a delicate sterling silver chain, the pendant is made of high quality ... [Read more]   Blue Tux Lily Wedding Shoes $113.99 Simple and sophisticated, this unadorned pump gets a fresh look with its peep toe and tapered 2.5" heel. Made from dyeable white satin with a lightly cushioned footbed for comfort. [Read more]